It's about your mother
by almightyshishkabob1
Summary: During this years hiatus I will be writing a series of fanfics about what happens immediately after every season finale. This first installment is the post-ep to 1x10 A Death In The Family. What happened during the conversation at the hospital and the moments that followed.
1. Season 1 It's about your mother

**Spoilers:** Eventually up to the end of Season 5.

**Disclaimer – I don't own any of these characters**

**It's about your mother**

Part 1

Dreading what he was about to do, he said, "Take a seat"

"Castle what's going on?"

"It's about your mother"

"I told you we'd be over if you touched my mothers case. How could you do this? You have no respect for me." Kate said softly and turned with tears in her eyes to go back into Will's room feeling sick to her stomach and wanting nothing more then to be curled up at home on her couch alone.

"Wait, just listen to me for a minute." Castle was desperate for her to hear what he was trying to tell her "The ME was wrong. It was a targeted murder. He killed 4 people, not just your mom. He killed a former law student of hers, a documents clerk, and another lawyer. I had a forensic pathologist look into her file and he..."

"How the heck did you get the file? What gives you the right to share that file with ANYONE? How could you do this to me?" Kate's voice got louder and her resolve was clear. "Castle, we are done." And she walked past him and out the hospital doors without looking back.

He knew better then to chase after her or call out.

She grabbed the first cab and road silently home in the back. She switched off her cell phone not wanting to talk to Will, Castle or the boys. And pulled out her ring from around her neck. As angry as she had been he had given her some new information about her mom's case. She didn't want to go down the rabbit hole again, but she would be lying to herself if she said she wasn't intrigued. What had really happened to her mom? And could she really solve the case and get justice for herself and her dad.

Exhausted physically and emotionally, Kate poured herself a glass of wine and cried with her knees tucked into her chest. Castle's betrayal, Will's shooting, missing her mom, Kate was overwhelmed by her emotions and couldn't be the strong cop she was normally. At that moment, she was right back in that alley, 19-year-old student, sad, alone and devastated.

Part 2

After a sleepless night, Kate dragged herself out of bed and made herself a cup of coffee. She prayed silently that he had understood her enough to stay out of the precinct. She put on her watch and her chain thinking of her mom and tried to focus on the paperwork she was going to have to fill in about the Moran case.

Her phone had three missed calls from Will and about twelve text messages from him trying to find her, but she couldn't deal with him. She was grateful, but inexplicably hurt that Castle had not tried to contact her.

Esposito called as she was getting into her car about a body drop on 51st and Lex. So she changed course and headed there hoping that this case could help keep her mind off of Castle and her mother's murder.

She had done it before successfully, instead of dealing with her issues, she buried herself in her job.

Arriving on scene her heart dropped slightly when Ryan brought her up to speed on the vic. "The victim was stabbed multiple times and died from blood loss."

-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O

"Castle! Bro, where were you today?" Esposito asked Castle on the phone that evening "This stabbing is pretty weird, right up your alley".

"Beckett knows I have the file, she knows I looked into the case, and she's pissed." Castle replied dejectedly.

"Oh Shit Bro! Did you tell her I gave it to you?"

"No, don't worry, this ones on me completely, but I'm going to give her some time to cool down before I come back in" Castle had discussed the situation with his mother earlier in the day when Ryan had texted him about the case and she had strongly counseled him to give Beckett some time and space. But despite this decision, he missed her already and wished he could be back at the 12th playing cop.

Part 3

She missed him. She didn't admit it to anyone else, but in those few months he had been shadowing her daily she had gotten used to his coffee, smile and scent. Now, it was gone. She was still angry and hurt by his actions, but as she really thought about it she was more hurt by his timing then anything else.

If she was being honest with herself, she had thought about asking him to help her try to solve the case. Especially since his help on motor oil case, he had a different perspective than a cop. He looked for the story when she got stuck on the evidence. But she wanted to ask him when she was ready to re-open it. She didn't want him to pry it open without her permission.

Burying herself in work was working to a lesser extent than she would have liked as this case reminded her so much of those crime scene photos she had seen of her mother and Castle's voice kept ringing in her ears every time she looked at the murder board "The M.E. was wrong."

But she was stubborn and she did not want to deal with the repercussions of what opening her mom's case could do to her and even less what allowing Castle into the fold could do to her. She also didn't want to get emotional and that was the case that would break her. So she pushed her emotions down and became the by the book, serious and driven cop to her outside observers, while she broke into a million pieces deep down.

Part 4

Until Cosmo and the Mayor helped him wiggle his way back in to the 12th Precinct. She had no idea he was coming, but when she looked up and saw him step through those elevator doors, her heart skipped a beat. Affection for him washed over her, and then was quickly replaced by feelings of disappointment and anger. She felt all sorts of emotions, and swallow deep to keep them under control as he walked tentatively towards her followed by a camera crew, reporter and two models. She saw him turn to his entourage and say something to them before leaving them standing near the center of the Precinct Bull Pen to set up.

He approached her hesitantly and with a small smile waited for her to speak.

"What are you doing here Castle? I told you we were done. That means I don't want you here." She said quietly but confidently so as not to attract any more attention to their situation from her colleagues who were already straining their necks in anticipation of a blowout argument.

"I'm sorry Kate, I didn't have a choice…"

Castle was interrupted mid-sentence by the camera man shouting, alright Rick, girls are ready we're set, let's do this!"

"Sorry" he mumbled as he walked away from her.

Kate looked up at the girls who had taken off their coats and now looked like strippers, she went quickly from disappointed and angry to enraged as she watched the ridiculous photo shoot start. She wondered if this Nikki Heat press could get any worse for her image and career.

She stood up to take a coffee break, but before she could get more than 6 steps from her desk, Captain Montgomery introduced her to the reporter who would be interviewing her about Castle. Her stress level peaked as she sat back down in her chair and cradled her empty green coffee mug in her hands and started listening to the reporter.


	2. Season 2 See you in the Fall?

**Spoilers:** Eventually up to the end of Season 5.

**Disclaimer – I don't own any of these characters**

*AM is a genius. These are Marlowe's characters and ideas.

Please do not be too critical English is my second language and this is my first fanfiction. If you don't have anything nice to say, please don't say anything at all.

* * *

**See you in the fall?**

Part 1

After breaking up with Tom and getting Castle out of the break room she was ready to talk straight and ask him to go with him to the Hamptons, but she didn't want to be just a tryst of his if anything happened so she wanted to make her feelings and how much she valued their relationship out in the open before she agreed to accompany him.

"But this past year working with you, I've had a really good time"

"Ya, me too" he replied and her heart skipped a beat, this was going really well. She was opening up to him.

"So I'm just gonna say this and…" She was interrupted by Gina the ex wife. As she stood their listening she felt as if she had been hit by a truck when her inquiries uncovered their Hamptons plans together.

Damn it, she thought to herself. Are you kidding me? She wanted to cry. Shockingly she did not have any desire to flee, part of her tried to, but her stubbornness kept her feet rooted to the spot. While zoning in and out of what was being said, she heard Castle say: "So I'm sorry, you were ah telling me something?"

"Ya, I wanted to say have a great summer" she lied with every bit of strength that she had left.

"You too and like you said, it's been really, really great"

"Ya, it has"

"See you in the fall?"

Kate swallowed her pride and turned to face her friends. Thankfully Lanie could sense her discomfort and suggested loudly that they cheers to having to work all summer unlike overpaid authors.

After downing her beer, Lanie tried to persuade Kate to come out for a girl's night on the town with her, but Kate refused.

Kate's head and heart were a flutter of emotion and pain. She wanted to go home, run a hot bath, drink some red wine and wallow in self-pity of her bad timing.

Part 2

Kate awoke the next morning feeling just as upset as she had gone to bed the night before. Had she said yes to his offer to take her to the Hampton's, she would be sleeping in late, or laying out and working on her tan next to his private pool or on the patio with the ocean view.

She felt resentful towards Gina, Tom and Castle. Damn it, why couldn't their timing be better?

As the day progressed Kate couldn't stop thinking about Castle and Gina together. As evening fell, she could practically picture them lighting a bonfire, roasting marshmallows and telling ghost stories.

Kate called the 12th and asked to cover anyone's shift. She needed to get out of her house, she needed to work and she needed to stop thinking about him.

Being a long-weekend, the precinct was understaffed and hopping. She caught a murder early Sunday morning and put all of her energy into catching Emma LeBlanc's killer for the next four days.

When the boys got back from their long weekends they did not mention Castle's name around her, although Javi kept giving her guilty looks (obviously feeling bad about his pep talk that had backfired so spectacularly). They sometimes whispered about him, but tried hard to be discreet.

She missed him again, just like last summer. She didn't admit it to anyone else, but in that last year he had been shadowing her daily she had gotten accustomed to his presence, coffee, smile and scent. Now, he was gone. She was still angry and hurt that he would go with HER, but as she really thought about it she was angrier with herself and her awful timing in figuring out how she felt about him.

Kate knew that Ryan missed his pal too, and as the summer continued on, he mentioned Castle more and more by accident. He pushed Kate to call him and find out when he was coming back, because he so desperately wanted to hear him spin theories and hang out. Ryan missed Castle because he was a friend, but also because he had a way with Beckett. He could make her smile and get out of her comfort zone.

Kate saw her internal pain and angst for the loss of Castle in Ryan's words and actions, but her stubbornness was back with a vengeance and she wasn't going to let it show. And there was no way she would put herself out on a limb by phoning him. She had tried that in June, and it had not turned out.

She was determined to forget about him, if he didn't want her (or the precinct) she didn't want him either. After months of zero contact, he had obviously forgotten about all of them.

Part 4

Until he showed up at the murder scene with a gun in his hand standing over a dead body and she had to arrest him. Twice.


	3. Chapter 3 Summer of Healing

**Spoilers:** Eventually up to the end of Season 5.

**Disclaimer – I don't own any of these characters ***AM is a genius. These are Marlowe's characters and ideas.

_I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but here goes nothing anyways :) _

* * *

**Summer of Healing**

Part 1

"Don't leave me, please. Stay with me. Ok. Kate, I love you. I Love you Kate."

Ambulance.

Hospital.

Fight with Josh.

Hospital.

She's alive.

Precinct.

She called.

Hospital.

She doesn't remember.

"I'll call you okay" she says, He will have to wait until she's ready.

Waiting.

Rick continued to go into the precinct helping the boys with Beckett's shooting. He went in everyday, despite not hearing from Kate, just being at the 12th somehow made him feel connected to her. He eavesdropped on conversations between Javi, Lanie and Kevin to try and get information on how Kate was doing.

It was awful. He picked up his cell phone obsessively searching for texts or messages from her everyday for a month. He called his cell phone company to make sure that the network was not having any problems. He had Alexis call him multiple times a day to "make sure his phone was working" and still it was only silence.

As time went on, he felt more and more rejected. He stopped checking his phone and gave up on hearing from her. She clearly hated him for pulling her out of the hangar and was shunning him to get back at him for killing Montgomery. Admittedly, Montgomery and Beckett's shootings haunted his dreams, and often he woke up feeling responsible for both of them.

After two months, the new Captain, Captain Gates, kicked him out of the precinct. He was secretly somewhat glad about this because it hurt so badly to see Kate's desk every morning, empty. And without her, he felt like he had no reason to stay anymore.

Rejection turned into anger as the months went on. He resented her for not calling. He resented her for not hearing his admission of love for her. He resented her for getting shot. He resented himself for not being fast enough to take the bullet for her. He hated that Josh got to help her recover and he was left in the dark. This anger made him almost unbearable to live with, after months of trying to talk to him or help him, Alexis and Martha quit trying and left him to brood alone in his office.

Alexis had never seen this side of her father before. He was so angry. He was writing like crazy, and he had finished "Heat Rises" and he had agreed to promote the book around the country. Alexis and Martha accompanied him to the book launch parties and events, but even at public events he was sour and fake. Alexis started to resent Beckett too. How could she do this to her dad? How could she be so cruel? Would her dad ever be the happy and genuine man he used to be?

When she asked him to sign her book, he couldn't believe his eyes. He saw her outside and brushed past her. His anger came out and then they talked on the swings. They actually talked…

Part 2

"Don't leave me, please. Stay with me. Ok. Kate, I love you. I Love you Kate."

Ambulance and Pain.

Hospital and Pain.

Wakes up.

Calls Castle.

She lies and says she doesn't remember.

"I'll call you okay" she says.

She doesn't call. She spends two weeks in the hospital with daily visits from her dad, Josh and Lanie. Kev and Javi come in from time to time with updates on the case and to check in on her. They are looking into the gardener, following up on some leads. When she is released from the hospital, all she wants is to get away. Josh pressures her to stay, but after hearing Castle's "I love you" Kate knows Josh is one of those "Meaningless relationships with men you don't love" that Castle had accused her of. She breaks it off, and he takes it like a true gentleman.

At the cabin, Kate does her physical therapy and spends time trying to convince herself not to be scared. She has nightmares about the shooting. She has nightmares about Roy. She has nightmares that Castle's tackle had worked and that he was the one who had been shot.

She missed him again, just like the last times they had been separated. But she didn't admit it to herself or anyone else; she buried it with anger and blame. She was still hurt that he had stopped her from saving Montgomery.

Kate was in pain, and needed help, but her stubbornness was back with a vengeance and she wasn't going to let it show. So she buried it, pretended she didn't remember a thing. Pretended he didn't matter to her. Pretended that his admission that he loved her didn't change anything. She did yoga, Pilates, stretching and physical training. She stopped calling Lanie and put everything she had into her physical recovery. She read comic books and stayed away from anything that would make her think about "real life".

She was determined to forget about what he said, after months of zero contact, maybe he would forget what he said too. Because to accept those 3 little words meant that she would have to change who and how she was. And most of all, the idea of letting those walls fall down scares her the most.


	4. Season 4 Beckett Suspended

**Spoilers:** Eventually up to the end of Season 5.

**Disclaimer – I don't own any of these characters**

*AM is a genius. These are Marlowe's characters and ideas.

Please do not be too critical English is my second language and this is my first fanfiction. If you don't have anything nice to say, please don't say anything at all.

**Beckett Suspended**

As Castle and Beckett started their intimate relationship they found their own rhythm as a couple. They spent some time each day working on piecing together the Bracken file. Castle called it "Puzzle time" and kept Kate's spirits up when she was down about how long it was taking to find anything that made any sense or that was concrete enough to prove Bracken's guilt.

They both knew that in order to keep themselves and their loved ones safe, it was crucial to have the file. Kate had bluffed her way through her conversation with Bracken, and although they had the bank account number, the file would not make sense to anyone who wasn't directly involved in the investigation.

Castle worried about Alexis and his mother, and was overjoyed when they decided to travel Europe for the summer (far away from Bracken's reach). Knowing who was Johanna Beckett's killer had not been a relief at all; in fact the amount of influence and power the Senator had scared Castle more than not knowing whom the monster was.

Ryan checked up on Beckett quite often, mostly out of guilt for getting her suspended, and Castle used "Puzzle time" as his excuse to be with her every time he phoned or showed up, they used the same technique when Javi showed up to help. It was a convenient excuse to be together all the time, even though Kate always worried that the lack of progress would probably eventually give them away.

Beckett and Castle spent all of their time together. When they were at the loft, Castle would write while Beckett looked over his shoulder secretly trying to spot spoilers for the newest Nikki Heat book or she would curl up on his couch with a novel. He loved how natural it felt to always be together. She looked at home at his place. It scared him how right it all felt. Was it too good to be true?

Beckett felt the same way when they were at her apartment. Castle would type away on her couch as she ordered take out and they would cuddle up as they ate dinner. He looked at home at her place. It scared her how right it all felt. She wondered when it would all fall apart.


End file.
